


Loveless

by kimjibyung



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimjibyung/pseuds/kimjibyung
Summary: Krisho prompt:Mermaid!AUFluff turning to angst





	Loveless

Yifan can’t remember much before the fall that changed his life. The only things he remembers was the coldness of the weather that day, he remembers the way that the cold waves had engulfed him, he remembers the burn of his lungs as water entered. He remembers struggling for a moment, out of pure instincts, the human body’s natural will to survive, and then the further he sunk, he can remember that that the will became hollower and hollower until all he could remember seeing was the dim sunlight fading with the greater distance he sunk.   
The rest was really a blur, he just remembered closing his eyes once last time and then waking up in a place that he had no idea how to even process with his mind. He didn’t feel the need to do so either, everything just seemed… natural now. It seemed as if he was born again, only with completely different instincts and completely different outlooks on life.   
He was told by his creator that he was given a second life by the ocean. Their kind’s mother, of sorts. The ocean could be relentless at times, but then at other times, it provided a second life. His creator knew of his despair and that his soul was aching when he made the decision to jump. It was all that remained in his memories when she breathed life into him with the help of the ocean’s will.   
And it was the reason why he was reborn as he was now, it was the reason why, now, he was free. Absolutely free and at peace. He couldn’t remember what caused him to jump, to commit suicide, and his creator said it even if he was to learn the reason for his sin, it wouldn’t affect his life now.   
The cares of humans faded completely once the ocean decided to make someone a part of its family.   
Yifan was no different as he swam freely through the ocean.  
  
“Junmyeon, don’t go too close to the water, okay?” the father advised the small five year old as they walked towards the side of the dock, fishing poles in hand. “Appa can’t swim and I don’t want you falling into the water. It’s deep in this area.”  
The young boy nodded cheerifully, “Will we catch a lot of fish today, Appa?”  
The father chuckled, “We’re going to try. Umma wanted us to catch some for dinner tonight.”  
Junmyeon grinned brightly, “I’m going to catch the biggest fish for Umma.”   
Almost an hour later, the father was sitting on the dock, line in the water as he waited for any nibbles or bites, the bucket beside them of water was filled with at least three fish, medium size. If they left with those three, it’d be one for each of them, but he wanted to catch a few more. Just to make his wife happy. Junmyeon had long abandoned his fishing pole after he caught his first fish, bored with the task now that he’d already gotten over the happiness of the catch.   
So he was playing at the end of the dock, kicking his feet in the water and splashing about. His father kept a watchful eye on him, advising him again to be careful. But when he felt a tug on his line, his attention was immediately drawn to the fish that was biting on his line. It was a big one so it took a bit more energy to try and bring it up, but by the time he pulled the line up with the large fish, he glanced over at where Junmyeon was playing only to find his son wasn’t there anymore.   
“Junmyeon?” His father called, already tossing his fishing pole to the dock, the fish left behind as he rushed over to the end of the dock. “Junmyeon!” His son had fallen out into the water, struggling to stay up, gasping.   
“Appa!” Junmyeon’s limbs flailed to try and keep himself up above the surface of the water, his father in a panic at trying to get to him but he had fallen too far into the water to be reached from the dock.   
“Hold on, Junmyeon!” His father ran back to grab one of the fishing poles to use to extend for Junmyeon reach and maybe he could pull his son up to the dock. Only when he ran back to the end of the dock, he didn’t see his son anymore. “Junmyeon? Junmyeon?!”   
  
The boy had tried to stay afloat but his body was sinking despite his flailing to stay above the surface. He had gulped countless amounts of water and his lungs burned, he cried for his Appa one last time before sinking below the surface. His arms reaching for the surface of the water but his feet found no ground under them at all as he sank. His eyes burned from the sea water, so he squeezed them shut, his nose was burning from the water entering his lungs, and everything hurt and stung.   
Then a strong arm wrapped around him and a cold pair of lips covered his, opening his mouth, “Breathe. Stay with me, I’m going to save you, child.” There was a voice that filled his head, despite no sound other than the water in his ears being all he heard.   
Before he knew it, he felt the warmth of the ocean air again, no longer cold from the water’s waves and then another pair of hands was holsting him up. He opened his eyes to find his father there, holding onto him, he was back on the dock again. The father was relieved, in tears from the fear of losing his son, but also he was amazed as he looked back towards the ocean.   
Then Junmyeon saw it when he looked back to the water by the end of the dock, a man was by the end of the dock, he looked naked since he was bare from his shoulders down to the body that disappeared in the water. But what shocked Junmyeon was how beautiful the creature was. He looked scary but he was still the most beautiful thing that the five year old had seen.   
“Thank you… thank you for saving my son,” his father said, bowing towards the creature in the water, holding Junmyeon close to him.   
The creature didn’t say anything, just smiled softly and nodded before diving back down below the waves. The sight of what looked like a fish tail, aqua green and blue tinted, was all that they saw the creature disappeared back below the waves.  
“A-Appa…?” Junmyeon coughed slightly, he was surprised that his lungs weren’t burning anymore, he felt fine… like he hadn’t almost drowned, the only evidence of it was the fact that he was soaking wet. “Who was that?”  
The father looked hesitant, even looked unsure how to answer. He looked puzzled as well, but finally he sighed, clutching to Junmyeon again, “I guess it was a merman… a creature of the sea. Whatever it was, I’m grateful for him saving you. I thought I’d lost you, Junmyeon.” He hugged the boy to him, body still trembling.   
Junmyeon hugged his father close but looked back towards the water where the creature disappeared.   
A merman saved him…  
  
The next day, Junmyeon finished all his chores early and quietly snuck out of the house as his father had returned to work that day and his mother was busy with washing their clothes. He made his way back to the dock, careful of his steps so he wouldn’t fall back into the water, but he saw down at the end of the dock, staring at the ocean waves for the longest time, hoping to see his savior again.  
It was almost an hour later and Junmyeon almost jumped out of his skin when the sight of a pale face started to swim upwards until finally surfacing. It was the same creature from yesterday, a look of concern and curiosity on its face.   
Junmyeon stood up, and bowed like his father had done yesterday, “I wanted to thank you for saving me yesterday.” The little boy looked back up to find the merman smiling and nodding again like he’d done yesterday. “I’m Junmyeon… what’s your name? Are you really a merman?”   
The creature nodded again, gesturing to himself, but didn’t say anything. Junmyeon’s lips poked out in a pout when the creature didn’t say what its name was. He wanted to know the name of his savior. But then he thought about it…  
“Do you have a name?”   
The creature nodded once more, then moved closer to the dock, motioning for Junmyeon to come closer.   
Although the five-year-old looked hesitant, “I don’t want to fall back in again… I know you’ll save me but I don’t know… the water’s still scary since I can’t swim.”   
The merman seemed to understand that, but still motioned for Junmyeon come closer. When the five-year-old was within arm’s reach, the merman softly took his arm in hand and cupped the side of Junmyeon’s face, bringing their faces within inches of each other. The merman’s eyes met the boy’s before he pressed their lips back together.  
Then Junmyeon heard that voice again. In his head.  
“My name is Yifan… I have no other voice than this to communicate with you…” he pulled back, staring at the child’s face for understanding.   
Junmyeon’s eyes widened, he put his hands over his ears, “So that was your voice yesterday? How you talked to me? To tell me to breathe?”   
The merman nodded, then glanced towards the shore before motioning for the child to follow him back towards the shore.   
“Where do you want us to go?” Junmyeon questioned, trailing back down the dock to keep up with the merman. Junmyeon moved off the dock once they’d reached the sandbanks of the shore, the merman surfaced further up the sand but his tail stayed in the water.   
The five-year-old was amazed at the long fish-like tail, aqua green with little glints of a sparkling blue to the scales. He stared in amazement. Until he finally noticed that Yifan was writing something in the sand with his finger. A few words.   
‘I can talk with the sand,’ were the words.   
The child’s eyes widened as he looked back up at the merman, “Okay! That’d be a lot easier for us to talk to each other. So are you really a merman?”   
‘That’s what you can call me.’   
“That’s so cool, you’re the first merman that I’ve ever met. My Appa said you’re the first that he’s ever met too. He also thanked you a lot when we went back home for saving me.” Junmyeon beamed.  
Yifan smiled back, writing out, ‘You’re welcome.’  
“So tell about the ocean, how are you… half-fish and half-person?” Junmyeon rambled on with different questions, curious and wanting to know everything about his new friend, Yifan. The merman.   
And over time, with the little visits throughout the years between the two, as the young five-year old grew up, they’d created a friendship. It blossomed more once Yifan taught Junmyeon how to swim, then the two were practically inseparable for the longest time since Junmyeon could now swim and explore the nearby parts of the ocean from the water.   
Over the years from Junmyeon’s transformation from a young little tike to the slim and stout young adult, Yifan watched the boy grow. All the while, Junmyeon noticed that Yifan never did seem to age. He looked exactly the same as he did when they’d first met. Still had the beautiful black hair, the same perfect skin, no wrinkles, or lines on his face, and his body was still the image of perfect physique. It almost seemed like nothing had changed with the male.  
‘What are you going to do now that you’re twenty one?’ The message in the sand read, Yifan looking up at Junmyeon from the area he was lying, still with his tail in the water but the rest of his body was lying on his side on the sand.  
Junmyeon leaned back, looking up at the sky, “I don’t know… Umma tells me that I need to get married and have a family, but I don’t want that.”   
That confused Yifan, ‘Why not?’ He heard of the human traditions that this was one of the things that majority of the human males did. They found a beautiful female, pledged their love for one another, and then started making smaller humans.   
Wouldn’t Junmyeon want the same?  
Unless…  
“That question that I asked about a few years ago… I’m older now,” Junmyeon glanced at Yifan, and the merman already knew what the man wanted. “Can’t I join you?” The human looked down at Yifan’s tail, the aqua green with blue specks glistened in the sunlight.   
  
He had just turned eighteen and it was the eve of his birthday, he’d yearned for the possibility for awhile now, but it wasn’t until that evening that he met up with Yifan that he found the courage to voice his yearning.   
“I want to be like you, Yifan… I want to be with you.”   
  
Yifan’s expression faded into one of sadness, he shook his head, writing out, ‘You can’t… you don’t want to.’  
“But I’d be with you,” Junmyeon replied, looking up from the writings to Yifan, he reached over and covered Yifan’s hand with his. “I don’t want a wife or a woman… Yifan, I want you.”   
Yifan brushed off his hand, shaking his head, ‘You don’t.’   
“I do,” Junmyeon retorted, stubbornly, “Are you just saying you don’t want me?”  
The look that Yifan gave him told him that that was not the case, Yifan wanted him, he knew it, the merman knew it. It was obvious as day, but there was something holding Yifan back from admitting it, from saying anything of the sort to the man. Junmyeon wondered what exactly was holding the being back.   
Maybe it was the ocean? Maybe it was a law against merpeople and humans interacting? Or even loving one another?  
‘I can’t, don’t ask me that question again, please.’ The letters wrote out, then Yifan gave an inaudible sigh, ‘You don’t want this life.’ He pushed himself back out into the water, swimming away to leave Junmyeon by himself there on the shore.  
  
Junmyeon didn’t let it go, he wanted to be with Yifan, and he was determined to find a way to do so. The woman that his mother had introduced him to, he dismissed her, he didn’t want the woman, he wanted Yifan. Afterwards, he’d done as much research as he could on the subject of merpeople. And one day in the library after coming across a certain book, he’d found the answers that he wanted. And so he planned now.  
“Junmyeon, don’t go to the docks today, it’s going to be stormy. The weather man is calling for tropical storm,” his father advised. He was still aware of his son’s behavior, the meetings with the merman that saved him all those years ago.  
The younger nodded, “Okay, I’m going to go into town instead.”   
“Be back before dinner, your mother has another girl she’d like you to meet.”  
Withholding the groan that wanted to escape his lips, Junmyeon hummed in acknowledgement, grabbing his notebook and heading out of the house. He took off in the other direction of the town though, towards the ocean where there were black clouds already making over the waters, the wind picking up, and a light mist of rain had already started to fall.   
He made a small stop, grabbing a coil of rope and a cement block from where he’d stashed it earlier that week. His plan now being set in action once he’d made it to the end of the dock. The winds were harsh now, blowing hard against him, almost causing him to fall over before he bent down on the dock. The rain was growing heavier, soaking him to the core.   
He worked about tying the rope to the cement block, and then he pushed up his pant legs, tying the rope to his ankles. His hands were shaky, but he was determined to go through with this. If it worked, then he’d be with Yifan, if it didn’t, he prayed that at least Yifan would be able to save him once more, like he’d done to his five-year-old self.   
The waves were started to crash against the dock, soaking Junmyeon even more as he stood up and picked up the cement block. He glanced back towards the shore, in the direction of his home, sending a silent farewell to his parents along with a simple plea of forgiveness for his next actions. With the streak of lightning and crack of thunder, Junmyeon dropped the cement block off the end of the dock, and when the slack of the rope thinned out, he was pulled off the dock into the stormy waters.  
Human instincts were hard to fight against, despite how much he wanted this, despite how much he’d thought this though. It was the only way that he could be accepted into the sea, become one of the merpeople, from the research he’d done. He wanted it, but his body didn’t. His body wanted air, it wanted oxygen, it wanted the safety that was on the shore of the beach. He struggled, his lungs were beginning to burn again, he could swim now, but he tried not to.  
The further he sank, the more it seemed his body was desperate to fight against it.   
Then a strong hold grabbed onto his arm, he looked up, seeing Yifan grabbing hold to him and dragging him towards Yifan’s body. The merman looked angry with him, but all that was going on in Junmyeon’s mind was survival and the want to be with this creature. He loved Yifan, he was in love with Yifan, and there was no amount of beautiful women in the town that his mother could introduce to him that would change that. This was the person he wanted to be with.   
His face was grabbed and cold lips pressed against his, ‘Breathe, Junmyeon.’ There was air that entered his lungs from the connection of their lips from Yifan’s lungs into his. The ropes were untied from around his ankles and he was being dragged up towards the surface again.   
When he broke the surface with Yifan, he clung to the merman. He cried between coughing and gulping in air, “I want to be with you, Yifan. Please, let me be with you.” The waves were still crashing against them, winds blowing about with the storm.  
Yifan pulled him towards the shore, swimming almost easily through the stormy waves. He glared at Junmyeon as the human still cried against him. “I love you, Yifan… I’m in love with you… won’t you love me back?”   
He shook his head, pushing Junmyeon up on the sandbank of the shore. He pushed the human down on the sand, and with ease, he moved up Junmyeon’s body, pinning him down and pressed his lips back to the man’s again.   
‘You don’t want to love me. You don’t want this life, Junmyeon, trust me. You don’t,’ the voice in his head said. ‘I wanted an escape from your life and this was what I was punished with. Eternal water… and eternal emptiness.’  
Then an image appeared behind Junmyeon’s closed eyes.   
Yifan was standing at the top of a cliff, it was clear, bright and beautiful day, but all that Yifan could see was darkness. Something inside him ached. His being hurt, felt weighed down by something unseen. He looked back towards the land behind him before finally letting go, letting himself fall backwards into the cold and icy waters below.  
He struggled to survive but like Junmyeon’s younger self, he couldn’t swim, the icy waters had shocked his body into a paralyzed state. His lungs burned until they didn’t anymore, his body ached until it didn’t anymore, nothing human affected him anymore.   
He felt numb to the core.  
And he still felt numb, he knew what Junmyeon felt for him, he knew the feelings that the younger expressed towards him, even the beginnings of the strong feelings from the younger as he grew up. But Yifan could not return those feelings, he wasn’t capable. Human instincts were unknown to him now, he could vaguely remember the emotions that humans had, but he couldn’t feel them. He was cold, he was free from those bindings, he was just one with the ocean.   
He couldn’t be with the man like the man wanted them to be. It wasn’t possible.  
He pulled back from Junmyeon’s lips, cupping the man’s face as he held him. Their gazes connected until Junmyeon pulled him back to him, kissing him this time. Those cold lips pressed against his chilled ones from the rain.  
‘Don’t love me, you can’t love me. I can’t love you like you want… I committed suicide, Junmyeon, I was hurting, and I’m not anymore. I can’t feel anything anymore… you… you’re so full of life, you don’t want this life… you have things in your life that are worth living for, your parents, your friends, be with them. Live with them, safe and happy together with them.’  
Those warm lips trembled against the cold ones pressed against his. Junmyeon’s eyes were watering, he just wanted Yifan…   
Yifan’s lips pressed harder against Junmyeon’s, ‘Go back, don’t come here again with your intentions earlier. I won’t save you, and you won’t be welcomed by the sea.’ He pulled away with that, already moving to retreat back into the sea.   
Junmyeon grabbed hold to his arm, “Please, Yifan, please—”  
Yifan shook his head, shaking off Junmyeon’s arm. His eyes said it all, ‘No.’ With that, he swam back off into the stormy waves, disappearing from Junmyeon’s sight.   
Junmyeon curled into himself as the storm went on around, sobbing and calling for Yifan but the merman never came back.   
  
Several years later, Junmyeon walked towards the dock, fishing pole in hand along with a bucket for the catch. ‘Sehun, don’t go too close to the waters, okay?” He called to the young six-year-old.   
“Okay, Appa. Are we going to catch a lot of fish today?” The young boy beamed, toying with his fishing pole before finding a spot on the dock to sit down at.  
“We’ll try to. Umma wants grilled fish for dinner so let’s try to get her the biggest fish, okay?” Junmyeon sat down beside his son, preparing the hook on the boy’s fishing pole.  
“Okay,” Sehun replied before taking his fishing pole back and casting it. “What if we catch a mermaid?”   
Junmyeon paused at that question, turning his confused gaze towards his son to see that the boy was simply staring at his fishing line bobbing in the waters, “A mermaid?”  
Sehun nodded, turning to his father, “Grandpa told me about the merman that saved you… what if we catch one instead of a fish? Can we eat them too?”  
That caused a laugh from the older male, “No, we can’t eat them too. We’ll have to throw them back.”  
“I guess so… it’s a good thing that merman did save you, huh, Appa? Grandpa said he couldn’t swim so he couldn’t save you, and you would’ve drown.”   
Junmyeon glanced at the end of the dock before turning his gaze back down to his son. It was a good thing that the merman saved him… he wouldn’t be here today with his own flesh and blood sitting beside him if Yifan hadn’t saved him. The memories of the last time he’d seen the merman still hurt, he wondered how the creature was doing, probably still swimming around with the fishes and maybe even saving kids that couldn’t swim.   
He still felt love for the merman, still wanted to be with him, but right now, in this moment, he was grateful that the creature had denied him.   
“Yeah, Sehun, it was a good thing he saved me,” he reached over and ruffled his son’s hair. “He did save me.”


End file.
